No One Ever Said
by speedmonkey
Summary: SC Spoiler for Lost Son and Invasion, Tim and Calleigh have a secret relationship but can they be together when death strikes them. Because after all no one said it be easy.


**Disclamier: I don't own anyone you know. Everyone else belongs to me.**

**Pairings: Speed and Calleigh**

**Spoilers: Lost Son and Invasion**

**Author's Note: Character Death...well obviously considering the spoiler but I have a few other tricks up my sleeve. Also I don't own this song its called Incomplete by The Backstreet Boys.**

_**Empty spaces fill me up with holes  
Distant faces with no place left to go  
Without you within me I can't find no rest  
Where I'm going is anybody's guess**_

**No One Ever Said**

No one ever said it would be this hard to lose someone you love and care for. No one ever said it would be so hard to get up in the morning, to go into work and not see you there. No one ever said that it would be so hard to look at your son, the son you created together. No one ever said it would be so hard to not shout out your name and tell the whole world that Tim Speedle was yours and only yours. No one ever said that it would be easy to stop the tears. No one ever said it would be easy keeping your relationship a secret. No one ever said.

You get up for work like you always do day after day. You turn the alarm clock of quickly and sit up in bed, you then look to your left as if to see him there, but he's not there, and he will never be there again. And you can't help but think that its your fault. You then dress quickly for work and you make your way down the hall to your baby boy's room. Before going in you take a deep breath at the closed door hoping, praying, wishing that maybe just maybe he's in there rocking him slowly, feeding him a bottle, or just leaning over the crib watching him sleep. But when you open the door you realize for about the 6th time in just that 30 minutes that you've been up that he's not there and that he's not coming back. No one ever said being a single mother would be so hard. No one ever said.

**_I've tried to go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete_**

You get him dressed rather quickly, you take a minute to smile at the site of him, he looks just like him. Black unruly hair and those deep chocolate brown eyes. Looking at your son makes you miss his father even more. As you look at him and notice all the similarites between father and son you wonder how your co workers couldn't notice the resemblance, or maybe they were being kind and didn't want to say anything. Maybe they thought you didn't want them to know just yet so they kept there mouth's shut. You sigh and strap your baby boy into the back of the car and then you get in and buckle yourself in as well. As you drive to the babysitters house you think about that day, trying to come up with some way to tell yourself that there wasn't anything you could have done but you still feel like there was.

**FLASHBACK---**

_"I may kill, Speedle." you reply jokingly._

_Alexx looks up from the body of Mr. Williams and smiles, "He borrow your kit again?"_

_"Borrow implies I gave permission." you say with a small sigh, Alexx smiles at you and for just a second you wonder if she knows that your 3 month old baby at home is Tim's. You shake it off by saying, "Ok..., I will tape lift."_

_You smile to yourself before entering, knowing perfectly well who it was who took your crimelight but for some playful banter you play along anyway._

_"Alright which one of you stole my crime light?"_

_He looks up at you and your heart melts instantly, "Well, stole is very negative. I had borrowed it..I replaced it. I-I put it back."_

_You try so hard to hide the smile on your face, you love it when he studders when he's nervous, "Well it would be nice if you charged it first, I was at the scene and it flatlined."_

_"Sounds like she's mad at you." Eric pipes up. You look at him for a second for ruining the moment and then you shift your eyes back to the man you love. _

_"Calleigh, I sincerely apologize."_

_"Apology accepted, give me yours."_

_"Go ahead its in my kit."_

_You turn to walk away before turning slightly to look at him and then you walk away with a smile on your face. _

**PRESENT---**

You smile at the memory, no there was definatley nothing wrong with that. Well maybe with the "I may kill Speedle" remark. You didn't mean it literally. Your mind then shifts to a much harder part of that day.

_**I've tried to go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete**_

**FLASHBACK---**

You walk into the jewlery store, honestly expecting it to be some one else, anyone but him. But its not. Its him. The man you love and you can't believe it. No one ever said that you would have to see him lying on the floor covered in his own blood. No one ever said you would feel so numb til you could barely move. No one ever said that it would be this hard. You wonder what his last thoughts were or if he even had time to think. Was it fast? Was it painless? Did he suffer? You want to ask Horatio all these questions, but you're afraid that if you do you'll either start crying or he'll figure out that you guys were together. So you keep it professional and tear your eyes away from the site of your loved one on the cold marble floor. No one ever said it'd be this hard.

_"Ok um...I know you need to start processing firearms evidence this is mine, and this is Speed's."_

_You take both of the guns in your hands and look up at him with tears in your eyes, "Is there anything I need to know about the shooting?"_

_"A lot of confusion." he says simply and that's when you realize that he's trying to spare your feelings because he knows about your secret relationship._

_You go to say something but the only thing that comes out is "And?"_

_"And." Horatio says slowly. "And Speed may have had to look at his gun."_

_You close your eyes and look away not wanting to believe that he would do this to you again. And the only thing you can mutter is an, "Ok."_

_You watch as he looks over his shoulder and you see IAB and you can't help but think what will happen if they start questioning you, and then as if Horatio knows what your thinking he simply replies, "That was quick, IAB."_

_And you nod slightly, getting the message. "I'm out."_

_You hear him mutter, "Ok." before walking out and facing the media._

**PRESENT---**

You wipe at the tears as you turn onto the highway. No one ever told you it would be this hard. Your mind then shifts to the locker room. You had walked in and saw Horatio standing there you couldn't see his face but knew he was greaving just like you were. But you also can't help in hating him at the same time. His gun was clean why couldn't he save him, push him out of the way, why...why? Is all you can ask yourself.

**FLASHBACK---**

_You walk over to him slowly folder in hand and you hear a "You saved me."_

_You didn't know what he meant by that so you quickly hold up the folder. Desperatley wanting it out of your hands, wanting nothing to do with it anymore, because no one said it would be this hard. "I wanted you to see this before I gave it to Stetler." You watch as he sets down the small black duffle bag and sniff. You then look away as he opens the folder._

_"Lt. Caine's weapon expanded six rounds, Tim Speedle's...Tim Speedle's malfunctioned." You look at him as he looks up from the folder. You wonder if he notices what you did for him. "There are many reasons for a misfire aren't there?"_

_"Faulty mechanism, low grade amunnition," you pause slightly before saying the last one. "Poor gun matience." your brain doesn't want to believe it. Doesn't want to believe that he wouldn't listen to you._

_"Designation of anyone of those would be specualtion on our part wouldn't it?" he says not looking at you._

_"We never speculate. Bottom line the gun malfunctioned." you say in a matter of fact tone. Not leaving room for anyother option._

_"And that closes the IAB investigation doesn't it." says Horatio, knowing now perfectly well why you put **gun malfunction **on the report verses **failure to clean gun. **_

_"Do you want me to help you with, Tim's things?" you ask quickly changing the subject. Afraid that he might confront you in your lie._

_"No thank you." he says his voice barely over a whisper. He looks over and see's that your on the verge of tears and says, "Hey. Come here." You walk over to him and wrap your arms around his neck tightly, needing something to hold onto. But when he says, "You hang in there" you lose it completley and start crying unable to let the tears stop._

**PRESENT---**

You take a deep breath as you pull up into the babysitter's driver way. You then pull down the mirror above you and quickly check the little make up you put on. Your mind then starts to drift towards the funeral but when Jeremy starts to cry from the back seat your attention goes back to him. You take him out of the car and then leave him with the babysitter. She notices your emotional state but doesn't say anything. Your still wondering if you did something wrong as you get back in the car and call Horatio telling him you won't be in today. He says its ok and hopes that you feel better. But he doesn't understand because he would never know the love you two shared. No one ever said it would be easy letting a loved one go.

**No One Ever Said**

On the way home your mind drifts towards happier times with the man you love. Loved? It didn't matter what tense you used, because in a few minutes time it just wouldn't matter. You smile at the memory of him slow dancing with you in his apartment. You remember him stepping all over your feet and making fun of someone who couldn't even slow dance. That's when he leaned in and kissed you for the first time, shutting off all protests and furture arguments. You arrive home a few minutes later and you walk into your room. Your eyes then drift over to the window you caught him looking out of so many nights after you two had spent countless hours sharing the love you had for eachother.

_"Why do you always look out that window?" you ask after you had woken up and caught him looking out your window seat._

_He had shrugged and simply said, "Because when I look out the window and I see the people on the beach, laughing, playing, swimming. I remind myself that what I do on a daily bases isn't worth nothing. That i've actually achieved something in my life time. And that makes me feel worth it."_

You smile at the memory and walk over to your nightstand and pull out your service pistol.

You then walk over to the mirror in your bathroom that connects to your bedroom and set the gun down on the counter. You then look up into the mirror as memories flood your brain.

**FLASHBACK--**

_"Calleigh I've done this before."_

_"Oh, I know. Its just that, well I read in a magazine article that particles can get blown into the stitches and you can't see them unless you pull it apart."_

_A few minutes go by and he looks up, "Now what do I do?"_

_You sigh and say, "Alright, I get your point."_

_You walk away and leave him with a smirk playing across his face. He always loved to tease you. Maybe because it was so easy._

**PRESENT---**

You walk over to the small desk in the corner of your room and scribble something on the piece of paper before the painful memories start flooding back into your brain.

_**I've tried to go on like I never knew you  
I'm awake but my world is half asleep  
I pray for this heart to be unbroken  
But without you all I'm going to be is incomplete**_

_"Poor gun matience."_

_"And that closes the IAB investigation doesn't it?"_

_"Speed, may have had to look at his gun."_

_"Two's usually poor gun matience."_

_"Well, I haven't started examing Speedle's gun, but like you said every case is unique."_

_"See me on everything, please?"_

_"Of course."_

You then lift up your service pistol and place it on your right temple and smile as a happy memory clouds your judgement for a second.

_"Tim?"_

_"Yeah, baby?" says Tim as he traces small circles onto your back and plays with the ends of your golden locks._

_"Promise me we'll always be together?"_

_"I promise." he says as he kissed the top of your head._

**No One Ever Said**

I stare down at you just like Horatio and Alexx are doing right now. I look over at Alexx who has tears gently flowing down her cheeks. And Horatio just has those puppy dog eyes, he tilts his head to the side and strokes your hair. He went to say something but I blocked him out when I feel your hand on my shoulder.

"Tim?" you ask quietly.

"Yeah, baby. Its me."

You smile, that smile I had missed so much. And I lift a hand up and stroke your cheek. You glance around me and see yourself lying on the cold metal slab. "I didn't even feel anything." you say as you look back at me.

I smile slightly and reach for your hand, "You ready?"

You look up at me with those great big green eyes I had wanted to stare into for hours, "Whenever you are." I smile and kiss your hand. "Come on lets go."

Horatio then looked over at Alexx, "You going to be ok, Alexx?"

Alexx nodded and gestured to the letter clinched in Horatio's hand. "What does it say?"

Horatio looked down at the letter in his hand and read what it said in Calleigh's handwritting. "No one said it be easy."

**THE END**


End file.
